Don't Wait Until Retirement to Start Living

A few days ago, I was sitting on the beach in the sunshine in Marbella.

As I looked out across the Mediterranean, I found myself reflecting on the last nine months. I've been fortunate enough to spend time in Australia, Dubai, Lanzarote and now Spain, next week I visit the UK to place flowers on the grave of an uncle to had a big impact on my life, a trip I promised my mother I would continue to make after she passed away.

Recently several people have commented to me, "You're always away!"

The truth is...I'm kind of am.

I'm simply living the life I planned after I suffered mental exhaustion working 84 hours a week and simply had to change my life both in my career and my personal life. At 50 I set about setting boundaries in work while also performing at a high level while also setting a plan to retire at 60 and I set a date to be mortgage free by the time I was 58.

I did it and now I am reaping the rewards.

That got me thinking of all the men who continue just planning for work, but spend very little time planning for life? You see the plan for work is usually just about the next possible promotion which is totally dependent on the opinion of others and is short term. So why are most men struggling?

We Plan Our Careers... But Forget to Plan Our Lives

As men, we are still taught to keep moving, to work harder, earn more, provide for our families, chase the promotion, take on more and more responsibility (usually for no more money) as a stretch to prove yourself.

Sound familiar

None of those things are wrong. In fact, they are admirable goals but somewhere along the way, many of us stop asking ourselves an important question.

What am I actually working towards? What does success look like?

I've coached hundreds of men over the years, and one conversation comes up again and again.

"I'll slow down next year."

"I'll spend more time with the family when this project finishes."

"I'll take that holiday after the next promotion."

"I'll enjoy life when I retire."

You see Lad’s the problem is that life has a habit of moving the goalposts because there is always another deadline, a new target, a new restructure, more responsibility as you are asked to do more with less.

My conversations with both men and women chasing success are that there is a price to pay for success and how much are you will to pay for it.

If we're not careful, we wake up twenty years later wondering where the time went, we worked our arses off and we have little to show for it, in fact the career may not have had the promotions and the personal relationships may be broken but one thing is sure you worked your butt off with long hours and broken promises.

So now you sit and you wonder what was it all about, this is what happens when you do not take time to be present and try to figure out what you want in life.

Celebrate the Wins

One thing I've learned is that we are often brilliant at recognising what hasn't gone well. We much less likely to celebrate what has gone well.

Take a moment to think back over the last twelve months.

What have you achieved? Take a second to write it down.

Maybe you changed jobs, ask yourself how is that going?

Maybe you finally asked for help when you were struggling. Did you get it?

Maybe you have worked on your relationship.

Maybe you've become a better father, husband, friend or leader. Write down how have you done that?

These positives are all worth celebrating.

Too many of us men when we achieve something significant just tick it off the list and immediately move on to the next challenge.

No celebration. No reflection.

No appreciation of how far they've come and challenges they have overcome.

Too many of us believe it’s arrogant to celebrate or tell anyone about our success, but its good to be grateful for all that is good in our life, because gratitude is one of the greatest protectors of positive mental health.

Success Without Happiness Isn't Success

In my previous career, I worked incredibly long hours an 84-hour working week was normal.

I survived seven armed robberies during my banking career, and for years I believed resilience meant simply pushing through and truthfully outwardly I was seen as happy and successful but internally I was dying every day.

Eventually, I realised something, being successful isn't the same as being happy.

Today, I still work hard. I continue to coach men who are managing stress, anxiety and major life transitions.

I work with organisations helping leaders build resilient teams and healthier workplace cultures.

I speak to companies about leadership, emotional intelligence and resilience.

I love what I do.

But I also protect time for the people and experiences that matter most in my life.

This didn’t happen by accident. It happened because I made a conscious decision to design my life instead of simply reacting to it.

The Future Doesn't Just Happen

One of the biggest myths we tell ourselves is that things will somehow work out.

Sometimes they do. More often, they don't.

The future we want usually starts with the decisions we make today.

Planning isn't just about pensions, mortgages or career development.

It's about asking yourself:

What sort of husband do I want to be?

What kind of father do I want my children to remember?

What type of leader am I becoming?

When was the last time I did something purely because it brought me joy?

Those questions deserve just as much attention as your next performance review.

Take Time Out to Think

The irony is that us busy men often need thinking time the most.

Not scrolling.

Not answering emails.

Not going from meeting to meeting.

We need to take time to Think.

We need to take time to Reflect.

We need time to Plan.

Sometimes the best investment we men can make is to step away from work for a few days to gain some perspective. Of our whole life

That's often when our best decisions are made.

My Challenge to You This Month

Before July ends, can you give yourself one uninterrupted hour.

No phone. No laptop. No distractions.

Please sit for a moment just sit with a notebook and a coffee.

Write down your answers to these questions.

• What have I achieved during the last twelve months that I'm proud of?

• What areas of my life have I neglected?

• What do I want my life to look like three years from now?

• What one decision could I make today that my future self will thank me for?

• What kind of a boss do I work with?

You don't need to have every answer.

You simply need to begin asking better questions.

One Final Thought

As I sat in Marbella, I want you to realise the holidays themselves aren't the reward. The reward is knowing I've built a life where I can enjoy them without guilt.

For years, I worked hard to build a career. Today, I work just as hard to build a life and help others. Check out my website bjkennomotivation.com for coaching and speaking opportunities.

There's a difference.

I hope you build both. Because no one reaches the end of their career wishing they'd spent more time answering emails. But many wish they'd spent more time living.

Please Take care of yourself.

Please Celebrate your wins.

Please Plan your future.

And remember, the life you want tomorrow starts with the choices you make today and that can be getting coaching to help you plan your career and life

Brian Kennedy

Author of The Bulletproof Banker available on Amazon.

Stress Management & Resilience Coach | Leadership Speaker | Executive Coach